In life and death // 3 (3)
She came knocking, „Honey, are you awake?“
„Yes, Grandma, come in!“ I shouted.
She stepped inside leaping and growling. „You know, a coyote got me today,“ she said, „it´s not that bad though“ she added seeing my both puzzled and worried face. „See, the thing is, the soldiers can´t keep them in peace anymore. We know it´s Siege Day, we´re prepared and still somehow end up injured. We lost quite a lot people today. Never happened before. “ I just sat there my moth wide open and eyes bulgiing out of the skull. „Grandma, are you serious? This is bad, this is very very bad.“
„I know, darling,“ she said sighing in fear, „I know.“
„Let´s get you out of here.“ She started unplugging the machines yapping about the weather at the same time.“ It is raining“ she said and took the pillows away, „the mushrooms are growing“ she added and gave me her hand. I could just not believe how careless and seemingly calm she was.
She didn´t seem to worry about it all. It happened today, for god´s sake, she has to feel something. And it was then, when I know I was losing her.
„Is everything alright, Grandma? “ I asked taking first steps towards the door.
„Yes, honey, why shouldn´t it be?“ Okay then, I thought, let´s play it her way.
„No, it´s great, you just seemed a bit distant, you know. Hey, the rain stopped!“ She nodded and gave me a wide and sencere-looking smile. I closed the door after us and we stepped into the hot sun. From far a way I thought I could make out a rainbow. I´d always liked them. When I was little, my mum used to tell me about the rainbow-land, where everything was so colourful, you couldn´t even look at it. She always had a tendency to speak about animals as if they were humans, so there were a really loving red dog, a yellow always-worried crow... And then the pain struck me. The pain of losing her. She had been violently taken from me. This was not fair. „THIS IS NOT FAIR!“ I heard myself crying out loud. Grandma patted my shoulder and whispered into my ear, „I know, darling, I know. “ This was her way of calming me down. Well, at least she tried. She hadn´t given up yet, although she had also lost everything.
Grandma had picked a rocky path for us to walk back to the cottage and I was barefoot. I didn´t want to trouble her anymore so I said nothing and just tried to endure the pain and swallow the tears. I heard it again, the mockingbird. It´d always had an affect on me, it´s song. I always sort of plugged out from the world and started staring a point in distance. I was carried away on the wings of the mockingbird. I felt the air around me, the adrenaline rushing through my veins. I was flying with it. I wasn´t that old yet to know the secret of Air but I was close to it. I knew it, I felt it.
A knife-sharp rock cut into my foot. I grunted with pain but said nothing. She looked at my all worried and asking. I replied with head shake. Grandma planted her hand in my palm wet of swet.
„It´s okay honey, we´re almost there.“
I could see the cottage now. Our cottage. It looked a bit hashed and tired but inside it was alway warm and cozy. That´s what I´d always loved about it. Although I had moved in only after my mum passed away, it had always felt as home. Growing up I made wooden statuettes here with Grandpa, went fishing with the boy next-door, skimmed stones across the river water with my uncle. It was all gone now. It was just my and grams. Some had moved away, grandpa died of a long-term disease, my uncle became a Soldier.
It was just us.
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